School Sucks

why the hell is this such a hard fucking decision?!?! do i want to go home, or don't i? well i do, so then why am i haveing such a hard time going 'i want to go home' and getting organised to do such. whats keeping me here? mmmmmmm.....................the potential to have fun. what makes me want to leave, the fact that i'm not haveing fun. who's fault is that? mine. so whats the problem? jump in there, have fun, put yourself out there, join in, celebrate good times come on. yeah. so heres the thing, i don't want to join in, which makes me sit in my room feeling sorry for myself which makes me not want to join in. what is going to break this vicious cycle you ask? i have no bloody clue! so again why is it so hard for me to say i'm coming home? last night i had reached the decision that i was going to come home.
everyone keeps saying to me, what about wales? well what about wales?! that was different, ok, no it wasn't. at the beginning i didn't enjoy myself, but then again, i was sarrounded by people who were fastly become my friends, so me wanting to go home in wales was a result of being far away from home for the first time and being homesick, a natural thing. also somedays i worked fm 6am to 12am, thats a long fucking day, or i had just finished a 6-12 day working week, that is a long fucking working week. so naturally i was worn thin, also living and working in the same building doesn't really help much either, also living next door to a fucking ass whole from equador didn't help either, so actaully yeah, wales was different.
here i am not feeling homesick, this is different, i am just not happy. what makes me happy you ask? well friend for one, which i kind have, i guess, however i only see them in class. so why don't i hand out with them after class? good question, i don't know. no wait i do know, i'm a shut in and they all have other things to do, where as i only have to go back to my room and eat more junk, because i don't like to cook, even though i'm told i'm good at it.
i am not home sick, me thinks thou dost protest too much, you think what ever you god damn please.
ok again, why is it so hard for me to go home? potential for fun with new people! uh.........k, you can't do that in victoria?
what would be great about going home?
1) MY FRIENDS!!!!
2)my family
3)not haveing to cook for my self every night, and if i do cook for my self haveing more than a hot plate
4) if i went to uvic i could take a russian class like i have always wanted
5)less money to live at home then on my own
6)i could go back to reitman's and work and go to school, because they know me
7)haveing my parents and friends around for when i need help, be it on homework/essays/test or with personal stuff
8) i can't think of an 8, i just know it would be great to go home
9) get my N
what would be great about staying?
1)make new friends
2)i could get my n here, but i don't have a car
3) yes i know i'm biased but i can't think of anything.

why can't i make new friends at home? i can, why can't i get a job out here, i could but i'd need to work 3 days a week, which i would rather not do, as apposed to reitmans where i could probably work 1 day a week.

so there you have it folks, i'm going home