Frustrated

So I'm in Vancouver now and that's going along as well as it can. Doing my best to be up beat and positive about the whole thing. I burnt my hand yesterday while doing dishes and it sort of opened the flood gates of despair that I've been feeling. however i managed to close the gates fairly quickly and get on with my life again.

It's Sunday, guess where Darren is? School. yep. I knew that moving to Van wouldn't change how much work Darren would have to do. I also knew that moving to Van only meant I'd see him every day, not that I'd get any quality time with him. and the little quality time we do get is generally poisoned by the fact that he should be getting work done. then i worry like a mother (which is highly annoying to me) that he's not getting work done, and feel guilty (i should have been a Jew) that I'm keeping him from his work.

so that's frustrating me

what else is frustrating me is a bit of a long story. i shall shorten it for you.
Darren has an uncle who lives in Japan, therefore he has Japanese cousins. One of these cousins has been in the hospital since Christmas, he is recovering but slowly.

To encourage his recovery Darren's sister and another cousin had arranged to do a project involving encouraging words and pictures of couples.

I have been SO out of the loop on this its ridiculous!!!!!!!
A picture has been chosen for myself and Darren, a picture we had never seen until last night and a picture neither of us are too fond of. its not bad, its kinda funny but there are so many other good pictures of us that we would have picked instead, but alas its too late - frustrating

also i know its Darren's cousin and therefore its not up to me and my input isn't all that necessary but the words Darren picked for his encouraging words i actually really don't like. at all - frustrating.

but he's not my family yet so its not like i can do anything about it. I'm just uber frustrated that I'm feeling yet again like an accessory to Darren's life not a partner in it. I see him every day but i barely spend time with him. I also don't get ANY input in his cousins "card". Yes im a selfish person, deal with it, i've been trying to for 23 years and it's a hard habit to break out of.

I'm SICK of feeling like this!!