Summer thoughts

My stupid MSN isn't working, not that it matters, i'd prolly sign out the moment i went online. I use to go on msn everyday and stay on for probobly hours, well deffinately hours, it just deppended on what time i got up. i woulnd't get off the computer untill i went to bed. Now, no one seems to be online. ok thats not true. lots of people are online when i get online, just no one talks, i'll say hey, and then they'll say hey and then i'll try to make conversation and it dies, whats the point? or its the other way around, they'll say hey, then i'll say hey, then no one will make conversation and it died before it even began.

its really amazing how much time we piss away sitting infront of the compter being bored. also sad. we complaine about everything and its quiet discusting. stop being bored you lucky lucky people. and i say that to myself as well. why do we need to be bored, we live so well and have so much we could find endless amounts of things that we could do yet we sit and complain becuase we are to lazy. and that goes back to being the computers fault. how you may ask? well you'll ahve to figure that one out for your self. you may see that answer as a way to not say "i don't know" but i do know, i just feel that we all must find answers for our selves and not rely on others to help us around every corner and to cross every street. (look at me, i'm trying to be all in depth and philosophical)

Its raining, the summer rain smells so good, i envy those that work at Butchart Gardens, Damn you Tom, Sara and Al who are all so lucky to get to work in the rain and the Gardens. when it rains and after it stops i love to sit out side listen and smell. everything smells fresh and new and the warmth off the pavement escaping when it rains smells and feels so good.

i envy Michelle K. with her writting abilities. it must be so fullfiling to write down what you feel and what you want something to mean in such beautiful words . i have good ideas for stories but never am i able to articulate the way she can. I envy her talent.

I feel i have no talent. i'm not better than anyone at anything. If you can call useless bits of boring and stupid information a talent then i guess i exel in it. Or maybe horrible spelling could be a talent. I feel there is no place for me in this world. everyone in this world has a duty or a talent or a job, i feel the only thing i'm good at is spottng the stupidity everything, be it funny or actually stupid.

Does everyone need a talent, is it absolutly neissary to have one. well i can think of one talent i have, i can make people smile. i think thats all i need in life, i feel i need love and companionship but really all i need is to make people smile. everything seems like it will be alright as long as one person is smiling.

My thoughts are running out and so is the rain. its still raining just as much as before but the drops have become lighter, or is it liter? Steve leaves today, or is already gone. i'd really like to talk to him but that will obviously not happen. Nana leaves in 14 days, krissy will be gone soon, ians away michelle leaves next month, i'll be leaving soon (if you call 2 months soon) so many peopel to say good bye to so many people i don't want to leave

I hope i see ian before i leave. i miss the big guy. he amkes me feel better when i am down. not that i am now. i just miss him. haven't seen him in a year. thats a long time to be seperated from one of your closest/best friends. i have no idea what to get him for a b-day present.

The rains getting heavier again. my mom asked em to water teh gardens today, well the sky has done thy bidding. andi believe the black knight is calling me ('tis a game not a person)


i'll see you all soon